My Hurricane Heart, You Picking Up the Pieces
by holygoof101
Summary: She wishes things were different. She wishes she could remember but even if she can't does that really change their ending?... Post series finale one shot/drabble


A/N: If you haven't seen the series finale and don't want to be spoiled (For a series that ended two years ago) then don't read this. This is written from memory so it is totally not completely accurate as far as the series prior to the final scene is concern. And it's short and choppy and by no means even close to my best work. Sorry for that, it's been months since I finished my full series binge and was asked to write a continuation. And it happened tonight whole idea and the title comes from Hurricane Heart by Marc Broussard. That is all. Please forgive any typos or poor English skills, I didn't read this over because if I don't post it now I never will.

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"Kiss me," she asks him. And he does. He kisses her and she can feel it. That there's something there between them, something deep, something real, something she's pretty sure she fought to keep at bay for a long time. So she kisses him back with all the emotion she wants to feel, all the emotion she wishes she could feel. She wants this to be that one magical kiss that makes it all come back. She's begging her brain to let to all come flooding back to her. It's like she can feel it there, just on the verge of breaking through but it just... It doesn't.

They break apart and when she opens her eyes he's looking at her with this look of anticipation. A look that's begging her to have the answer he wants, but she doesn't. And she knows when she speaks she's going to break him. She's going to kill that hope and hurt him again. The again is what makes it so frustrating because she knows she's hurt him before, she just can't remember. But still she knows that look in his eyes.

"Chuck, I..."

"You still don't remember." His eyes lose their hope and his head drops and shakes. "It was just some dumb idea Morgan had anyway, I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up."

"I feel something there; I wish I could remember but... It just... It's not breaking through. Maybe I just need time... And space and..." her mind is all instinct and cold and calculated, so she's just not sure what exactly to say to the man sitting beside her. The man she's married to, that's heart is obviously breaking in right front of her.

"Go do your thing, space. Find yourself, all of that. Us, together, our happily ever after. It was always a long shot anyway. Go ahead and go, I don't want to watch you walk away so I'm just going to sit here."

"Maybe one day..." She says as she stands up and brushes the sand from her clothing, and waits another beat hoping in that moment it as she prepares to walk away that it will all come flooding back to her. But again it doesn't, the closest she can get is the pang in her chest as she looks at him knowing he's hurting. She's hurting too; she just doesn't have the memories, to explain why she's feeling like this.

"Yeah maybe one day, nothing new there. That's always kinda been a part of our story."

"I wish..." She knows how she wants to finish the statement. She just can't it's only going to hurt him more and she doesn't want to do that. "Stay in touch okay?"

"Sure." He says in almost a cold tone that's very unlike the man that spoke earlier.

"All the stuff that happened between us. What's happening right now. Just know that even though I don't remember anything, I've never meant to hurt you. I've never wanted to break your heart. I have no idea who I was but I know that. And I know that right now." She doesn't let it linger after she says that. She turns and walks away wondering if she's ever going to see him again and wishing she could explain why it's hurting her so much to make the walk away from him.

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She begins to pack her bags so she can leave Burbank that night. She doesn't know why she's wants to get out of there so fast, just that she needs to. She needs to because it hurts to stay there.

Once the last piece of clothing in her back is put into place she reaches for the 45 caliber hand gun sitting on the table. She holds in her hand and though it's not loaded she cocks it anyway and something about that feels right. Like it's something she's supposed to do. That simple feeling gives her hope that one day, other things will feel right. That being with Chuck will feel right and she won't feel like she has to run. Which is what it feels like she's doing right now.

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Her journey to self discovery starts on at a villa in Mexico. She stays there and enjoys the beach and drinking and the solitude. But then she has an incident at a bar where some random guy is hitting on her and she breaks his nose. And almost his neck too. But the entire thing felt good. Like violence and defense is a part of her. So after that night in the bar she walks down the street and convinces a local bounty hunter to hire her. And it's the start of her new life.

But after a while hunting local criminals in Mexico stops being enough and she goes international. Stalking and hunting the big time international criminals. That comes natural and feels natural. With every capture she feels like she's accomplished something. Or at least she does in the moments after the capture. It's when she gets back to whatever hotel or rented room she's staying in that the loneliness sets it. It's in those moments after that she has to admit to herself the whole time during her mission... she doesn't know of mission is the right term for it but it's what her instinct wants to call it... But it's in those moments after one that she realizes that even those moments she's looking over her shoulder for someone. It's in those moments after that she has to accept she has no one to share them with. And it's in those moments after that Chuck's face always seems to flash into her mind. No matter how much she tries to make that not the case.

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She gets involved in a reckless gunfight in Morocco that lands her in the hospital near death. A week in critical condition, and having to be brought back to life on more than one occasion. Each time she bears death in the people over her she sees people she knows aren't really there. She sees Casey, and Ellie, and Awesome, and... She sees Chuck. It's always Chuck that brings her back to life. It's like seeing him standing over her brings her back to life.

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After her near death experience in Morocco, she gets the feeling that she was always the reckless kind and she decides she needs to calm that behavior. But she can't just play it safe either. So she has General Beckman set her up with a private detective in New Orleans.

The city is beautiful and amazing while being scary and dangerous at the same time. The work she does is both dangerous and safe. Chaotic and contained. It's exactly what she's been looking for and it almost feels like she could put down roots there. Something just keeps holding her back, she knows what that something is because it's not a something, but a someone and she sees his face every time she closes her eyes. Just like she has every night for the last three years.

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She's sitting in her office going over case files when there's a knock at the door. She's not expecting anyone so the knock catches her off guard.

"Come in." She says and sits up straight, her face expressionless as she prepares for a new potential client. Only to lose her cool demeanor as she figure walking in becomes clearer. "Casey," she smiles and stands prepared to walk up and hug him. He stiffens at her touch. Something she expects despite the effort she puts into the hug. They've kept in touch over the last years so she knows physical contact isn't his forte. Nor are random visits, so she knows there is a purpose for him being in her office. But still there's a comfort and security she feels just seeing him.

"You should have called; I would have picked you up from the airport. How are Gertrude and the baby?"

"Stand down Bartowski," he nods at the name plate on her desk. "I'm here with a purpose."

"As I would expect from you. Even if I don't remember our years of working together, I'm pretty are you've never done anything without a purpose." She notices the stack of papers in his hand and watches as he clenches them.

"He's ready to move on Sarah. Just sign the papers and let him." Casey tells her as he places the on the desk.

Divorce papers. He's there to bring her divorce paper from Chuck. She looks at them, unsure what to think. Because her mind starts racing in a million directions. Chuck is asking for a divorce, he's stopped waiting for their one day. She can't blame him, it's been years now and she still hasn't come back to him. But her mouth goes dry and she can't speak, all she can do it look at the papers on her desk.

"Thank you. For bringing them to me personally. I will read them over and get to them as soon as I can."

"I'm just the messenger. Sarah, don't make him wait. If you don't sign those he will hold out hope forever. If there's no hope, don't make him wait any longer to let go." He chews on his cheek and looks at her like he's waiting for her to say something. And she's not sure how much time passes before he turns and starts to walk out only to stop again. "And this," he pulls a small envelope out of his back pocket as he walks back and places the envelope on top of the papers, "My daughter and that little pipsqueak Morgan... They asked me to give this to you if I saw you. It's an invitation; they're getting married next month. In Burbank. I don't think you should go, but they wanted you to have it."

She doesn't have a chance to say anything else before he disappears from the room and she hears the clicking of the door behind him. She takes a pause to make sure she's alone before she looks down at the papers on her desk. Her fingers trace over the envelope containing the wedding invitation before she opens it. Morgan and Alex's name written in beautiful elegant script. She can feel the love between them there in the writing. It's like she's felt that before, and she knows it's because she has.

Her eyes look down and she sees the papers from Chuck. The dart between the invitation in her hands and back to the papers. Two completely opposite sentiments right there in front of her. She rests the invitation on her desk and picks up the other set of papers, flipping them to the last page. Chuck's signature is already there. Below it a blank spot asking for hers. She asked him to keep in touch but he didn't and she never tried otherwise. So she can't really blame him for being ready to move on but... She reaches for a pen and presses it against the paper but her hand doesn't move. She waits. She waits like she did that day on the beach, wishing it would all come flooding back to her. And again it doesn't but her hand is still frozen.

"Later." She tells herself as she withdraws her hand and slides the papers and invitation into her desk drawer. She'll make her decision on attending the wedding later. And sign the divorce papers later because it just doesn't feel right to sign it all away right then.

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She gets out of her car and walks down to the beach. She's doesn't plan to attend Morgan and Alex's wedding out of respect for Casey's suggestion. But it seemed like a good excuse to come back. Back to where it all started for her, in more than one way. Even if she's accepted the memories of her former life will never come back she knows this was where something special started for her, and this was where she left that something special so she could figure herself out. She draws in a breath as she sits and folds her knees to her chest and takes it all in. And for the first time in a long time, she stops fighting it and wishes it would all come back to her again. She wishes Chuck would come back to her again because...

The shuffling of sand behind her causes her to look over her shoulder.

"For once I didn't expect to find you here." It's Chuck; he's standing there behind her, looking awkward with his hands tucked in his pockets. "I knew they invited you I just didn't... I can go. It's totally fine. I can go..."

She shakes her head, "Don't go. Sit."

He kicks at the sand and takes a beat before he finally sits next to her, the same way they say together years before. And a comfort washes over her.

"I wasn't planning on going to the wedding."

"What were you planning?"

She sighs and draws a heart in the sand before quickly wiping it away and looking up at him. "I don't know what I was planning coming here. I know that I don't like the way things were the last time I was here. And I know I've spent the last few years trying to forget the way I felt when I walked off this beach. And I've spent the last few years fighting with trying to remember who I was, and trying to forget you."

"I know what you mean."

"I don't think you do, Chuck. Because you remember me and us. And I don't. I don't have those memories to explain why everywhere and everything reminds me of you. And why everywhere I've been and everything I've done, I still feel like I'm missing something..." Her hand reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a folded set of papers. "I have these..." She blows out a sigh and shakes her head. "I don't know why I knew you'd find me here. But I did. And I wanted you to find me here." She holds the divorce papers out and wants for him to take them. "Maybe I made you wait for one day too long. All this time I've spent away, I should have told you that I think of every day. I don't have the memories to explain why but I do. And I've felt like something is missing this whole time. It's probably too late to tell you I'm sure that something has been you. But..." The papers shake in her hand as he finally takes them. "I haven't signed them but I will, right now if..."

"You know..." His head turns towards her and there's a tiny smile on his face, as he takes the papers and puts them in the sand beside him. "There's this movie where a couple under goes a procedure to have their memories of each other erased. They both do it and in the end with all the shit that happens in between they still end up together. Meet me in Montauk, they say. And they do, even with no memory of each other."

Her eyebrow lifts and her head tilts towards the side, "what are you saying?"

"Sarah..." He pauses before he reaches over and shoves the papers beside him close enough that the ocean waves crashing before them picked the papers up and drags them into the ocean. "Kiss me."


End file.
